Tuesday, December 18, 2007
How Do I Love Thee?
Today is a sad day...I'm not sure what to write...what to say that will make me feel better...my husband...my soulmate...my almost 25 year partner...passed away today...he decided he had fought the good fight...after six months of suffering he laid himself to rest.
He never asked me if it was okay...if I was going to be okay...I think he knew...he knew in his heart that I was going to be okay...so he decided he could leave me...I guess he was putting me to a test the past several months...he wanted to see if I was going to pass the test...and today...today...I guess he thought I had...at 49 years old...just shy of the big 5-0...he left me on my own.
So what do I say to my dear husband?
...the person that I shared almost half my life with
...the person who picked me up when I was down
...the person who always listened...whenever I needed an ear
...the person who taught me about sports...like Yankee baseball...and Giants football (and who was patient with me when I tried to follow the games...patient when I didn't know what was going on...patient when I asked stupid questions because I didn't know what was going on)
...my dear husband
...the person who cooked fabulous meals for me...like his baked salmon with dill sauce...like his turkey burgers on soft, fluffy potato rolls...like his tangy barbecued chicken with homemade coleslaw and crisp potato salad...like his famous pasta casserole with tons of cholesterol-laden cheeses... and like his sensational Thanksgiving feasts with hors d'oeurves, specialty tur-duck-ens, smoked turkeys and luscious, cheesy mashed potatoes...nope...Thanksgiving will not be the same without you
What do I say to you...my dear husband
...who gave me the biggest and best hugs...whose long arms when wrapped around me made me feel so safe...so secure...so loved
The only words I can say are the words of one of my favorite poets...yes...Elizabeth Barrett Browning said the words of love so eloquently...so my dear husband...as I count down in my final days to my fiftieth birthday...as the fifty tears fall down my face...the only words I can say to you are the words of my favorite love poem:
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Yes, I will miss you...I will miss you...I will miss you...and with our daughter and our son...I will always remember the good times we had...for the rest of my life...let the good times roll.