Say You Love Me

Since it is Valentine's Day and I'm stuck inside because of the icy weather, I guess the flower delivery man could not deliver my dozens of roses. And the Tiffany jewelry shipment is delayed. At this point, I'd be happy with a single red rose from WaWa.

My husband does not celebrate Valentine's Day. The last time he gave me a Valentine present was 24 years ago when we were dating. It was a gold heart necklace. I remember it vividly when he handed me the red box. How romantic! I need to remind him that it's still okay to be romantic...I'm still open to the Valentine gifting thing...will have to leave some hints next year, especially since it will be right after my 50th birthday.

My husband likes war movies and I'm into romantic chick-flicks. In fact, we've even been known to go to the movies at the same time, but see different movies. It's our version of the double feature. Wonder if other couples practice this?

Since it is Valentine's Day, I think I'll watch my absolutely favorite movie of all time...Pretty Woman with Richard Gere (at his all time best) and Julia Roberts (what woman would not want to be given carte blanche to buy whatever clothes she wanted on Rodeo Drive and then go out with Richard Gere?) Even Roy Orbison's song at the end of the movie is fabulous. It is one of the only movies I have ever owned...however, after more than 10 years of constant usage, the VHS tape is pretty worn out. I may have to buy a new DVD copy for myself sometime soon.

My other Valentine tradition is handing out Hershey Kisses. This year, the Hershey company went all out and had different varieties...dark chocolate, strawberry, caramel...I bought them all. Since I did't go to work today, I now have three bags of Hershey Kisses sitting in my briefcase. That's pretty dangerous for me.

Guess I'll go watch Pretty Woman...eat some Hershey Kisses...and wait for Valentine's Day 2008. I may just buy a Tiffany gift for myself in 2008...I'll be 50 and I deserve it!

XOXO

Judi

Remembering the C's in a Relationship

Today is my 23rd wedding anniversary. I was married on Superbowl Sunday in 1984. It feels like just yesterday. I always look at my wedding album each year on my anniversary and remember how I looked back then, when I was a 26 year old newlywed with longer hair and no wrinkles on my face, a flat stomach before the kids were born. I was a runner back then, even ran in some 10K races.

I remember my wedding ceremony. The rabbi commented on the 5'Cs of marriage. I can actually only remember the 4'Cs...if any reader knows the 5th one please send a comment. Maybe your rabbi or clergyman gave the same ceremony at your wedding. Anyway, here are the 4'Cs I remember:

Commitment: the act of commiting or trusting yourself to someone forever;
Compassion: a feeling of of sorrow or pity for the sufferings or misfortunes of your spouse;
Communication: the imparting or interchange of thought, or information by speech, writing, or signs (that includes the non-verbal communication we have with our spouse...sometimes this sends the strongest signals to a spouse, especially the sound of silence); and
Compromise: a settlement of differences by mutual concessions. I've done a great deal of compromising throughout my 23 years of marriage. I'm sure my husband would say it is mutual.

After 23 years, I think I would say the 5th C is Contentment: a state of being satisfied. Do we become content with our mates after many years of marriage? Women's magazines always write about how to keep a marriage exciting after the initial luster wears off and the kids come along. It is hard. After the kids are born, they take priority for at least the next 18 years of your life...until they go away to college and you become an empty nester. I've got one year to go before my youngest child goes off to school...then hopefully, my oldest who is graduating from college doesn't decide to move back in.

I was surprised to read in the paper yesterday about how many single Americans there are today. According to the article I read, it said that 51 percent of all women live without a spouse, and about half of all men are in the same situation. The number of people marrying has dropped off in the last 45 years. It goes on to elaborate that the marriage gap isn't about men and women, but rather about class and education. The statistics reveal that college educated women are more likely to marry than non-educated women.

Is it that women (and maybe men too) don't want to practice the 5'Cs? Let me know your thoughts on this one.

Judi