Staying Afloat

Somehow, some way, I am staying afloat...despite the ups and downs with my husband's illness (My Soulmate, June 17)...I am staying afloat. It's not easy by any means...it is truly the hardest thing I have had to do in my 49 years...and it doesn't get any easier each day...it actually gets harder.

Yesterday was the worst day...not only does my husband have a wound vac in his leg (just like Tony Soprano had after his uncle shot him in the stomach...the surgeons were sure to tell me all about this wound vac when they operated...and Tony got better...hopefully that means that my husband will too)...but my husband also has a yeast infection and now a blood infection...he is fighting for his life...and I am fighting to stay afloat.

I went swimming the other day...I am not a very good swimmer...but it was a warm, sunny day...and I needed to feel the sunshine...especially after leaving the cold, sterile hospital room where my husband lies in his puffy bed (they've given him a blow up bed that almost looks like a waterbed...they say it is good for his circulation)...wish he could have gone swimming with me...but he doesn't like wearing bathing suits and he is not a very good swimmer either...I took swimming lessons when I was younger...when I went to day camp when I was six or seven years old...I was always afraid of the water...especially the deep water...even at 49...the deep water still scares me...and while I enjoy swimming...it is not one of my favorite sports (I'm not very good at any sport...I'm more of an armchair sportswoman)... unlike my older sister who took swimming lessons later in life and now swims 50 laps several times a week...I just try to stay afloat...and relax while I doggy paddle.

I arrived at the pool later in the day...I sat by the edge near the deep end...I always sit by the lefthand side...in the last lap lane where there is a stepladder so I am assured a way out of the pool (there is no way my 49 year old arms can lift my 49 year old lower half of my body out of the side of the pool without a stepladder)... I was wearing one of my many Speedo bathing suits which I always wear (at least I look like a good swimmer even if I can barely stay afloat)...I dipped my feet in the chilly water...then my thighs went in...and then I plunged in...I was proud of myself...I needed to feel that rush of coldness...that chilly water all over my body...I needed to forget about that sterile hospital room...about my husband's illness...about the past week and a half that has turned my life and my family's life upside down.

I swam a few laps...back and forth...up and down...it felt so good...chilly...but good...I was able to stay afloat for about 10 laps...then my arms started to tire...I went to look for one of my favorite swimming accessories...my favorite water noodle...the long foamy noodle that keeps me afloat when I tire out...but there were no noodles to be found...I looked in the three foot section where the kids were playing...no noodles...I looked in the six foot section where the older teens were hanging out...no noodles...I noticed one purple noodle in the corner of the pool...close enough that I could reach it...but when I swam over to the noodle...I noticed it had a name on it...it was Victoria's purple noodle...and Victoria would not share her noodle with a 49 year old woman...I was noodleless...no more swimming for me...I just couldn't stay afloat any longer...no more noodles for everyone at the pool this year...that's the new rule...wonder why Victoria knew about this new "bring your own noodle" rule and no one told me.

I went to Target today...I bought two Original Funnoodles (America's Favorite #1 Selling Pool Toy for those ages 5+...guess that includes me too...I'm definitely more than five)...and I'm putting my name on these noodles...just like Victoria did (who I think was about 5 years old)...and I'm taking them to the pool the next time I go...I'm going to stay afloat for more than 10 laps next time I go to the pool...and I'm going to stay afloat as my husband lies in his puffy bed...I know there will be more sunny days for me...and hopefully, my hubby will share one of my Funnoodles with me sometime in the future...maybe for my 50th birthday we will go to the Bahamas and swim in the pool...I'll pack my Funnoodles in my suitcase...when he is all better...and doesn't need his puffy bed anymore...I bought two yellow Funnoodles so we'll match...he'll likely be skinny enough to wear a Speedo bathing suit...we'll definitely be a pair...staying afloat together.

Judi