Friday, November 30, 2007

Let the Light Shine

It's the last day of November...that means after today...after today...I will have 39 more days until I will be a 39 days I will no longer be counting down months...or weeks...or days...I will hit the half century mark...I will turn 50.

It's so hard to believe how fast the time has gone...what a year this is shaping up to be I thought as I hugged my husband in his hospital bed tonight (My Soulmate - June 17) I tried to console him when he asked me "what am I going to do when I get out of the hospital...I will never be the same as I was." "You're right," I said as we both cried a good cry. "That's okay," I said. "Crying is good's good to cry and let all the frustrations out...don't worry, " I said, "Don't worry, we'll both be stronger...definitely stronger...after this year," I added as I thought about this incredible 49th year journey I've been on with my soulmate.

The big guy up there...someplace...somewhere put me in this situation so I would grow stronger...he knew what he was doing...he wanted me to learn to be independent..wish he hadn't made it so difficult...I could have learned this life lesson with less impact (I said 'he'...I do think the wise man is a wise man...if the wise man was a wise would be easier...smoother...not as many ups and downs...I don't think a 'she' would have made me go through all this to be stronger).

And as I reflected on my 65 watt flood light bulb that blew out in my kitchen this morning...I thought how much stronger I've become in the past year...especially during the past six months...I remember thinking this the light blew out..."how am I going to screw in another light bulb all the way up there on my kitchen am I going to let the light shine again...after all...I'm not tall enough to reach the ceiling with my out-stretched arm...I'm not tall enough to unscrew that bulb ...that's my husband's job...he is the one who is 6'4"...not little 5'3" like me...he is the one who screws in the kitchen bulbs...but he is not here to help me right now."

"I can do it...I can do it...I can do it," I said to myself...and then I stood tall on the kitchen chair...I reached up on my tippy toes (and held on to the cabinet as not to fall)...I unscrewed the old flood light...I did it...then...I reached up again and screwed the new bulb in was bright again...and I was all ready to start a new day...all ready to read my morning paper.

Stronger...yes I'm stronger...but soon the flood lights on top of the house will burn out...and I know I can't reach those hubby you have to get better my guy Kanye West says in his new song "Stronger":

Now that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer


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