Sweet Dreams

Here I sit...October 31st...the last day of the last October as a fortysomething soon to be fifysomething...and I'm all alone...my husband is still in the hospital recovering from his illness...my son is at a concert somewhere nearby...my daughter is away at college...and I am alone...alone with my three bags of candy...and not one trick or treater knocking at my door.

Soooooooo...I guess I will have to eat some of that candy that is sitting in a basket in the kitchen...it is just too, too, too tempting...I bought all my favorite chocolate candies this year...Peanut M&Ms...Regular M&Ms...York Peppermint Patties...yummy,yummy,yummy...not like the Charleston Chews that my husband always buys...yucky, yucky, yucky.

Let's see...I'm peri-menopausal...it's now 8:00 pm...I have yummy, yummy, yummy chocolate candies in my kitchen...and I cannot resist...nope...I cannot resist...dare I start on the chocolate binging I may never stop...but I cannot hold back any longer.

I just consumed two York Peppermint Patties...2 bags of Peanut M&Ms (they're little bags so it doesn't count that much)...haven't touched the Regular M&Ms yet...I'm actually proud of how I am pacing myself during this peri-pausal chocolate moment. However, I also ate 3 mini-chocolate chip cookies (while I was making my son's lunch)...and two Milano Chocolate Raspberry cookies (had to try the new raspberry variety of Milano cookies that some colleagues brought to me...raspberries are my favorite berries...I had to force myself to try them...well...not exactly force myself...no...it didn't take too much forcing...I just opened the bag and put my hand inside and pulled out a cookie...then I ate it...then I put my hand in the bag again and pulled out another cookie...and ate that one too...then I slapped my hand twice when it tried to go inside the bag for a third time.)

So now what...will I be up all night from the caffeine or sugar rush (probably)...will I throw the rest of the basket of goodies in the garbage like a good girl (maybe)...or will I leave them there for the next two months for all the peri-pausal chocolate moments I'm likely to experience (likely yes...at least for now).

I think I've had my fill of peri-pausal Halloween treats for this evening...I like my chocolate high...I feel satiated...I feel happy...I'm going to have sweet dreams tonight...think I'll turn on my favorite Annie Lennox song "Sweet Dreams"...cannot believe that "Sweet Dreams" was first recorded in the 1980s...what was I doing when I heard that song for the first time...it was when I was twentysomething...seems like just yesterday that I turned on the radio and heard the Eurythmics playing that sweet tune...

Sweet Dreams
Lyrics by the Eurythmics

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

I wanna use you and abuse you
I wanna know what's inside you
(Whispering) Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Movin' on!

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

I'm gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside
Gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside you


Judi

Restructuring

I had had a tough week...and when I arrived at my colorist on Friday night he said it was time for "restructuring"..."Restructuring?" I thought...now what did he have in mind...I thought I was going to just perk up my hair color and fix up my highlights...little did I know that I was going to be "restructured"...but, it was just what I needed after a long week and it sounded much more interesting than a touch up...I left feeling refreshed...renewed...and I even cancelled my haircut for the next day.

The fall of my 49th year is a good time to think about restructuring...what else should I restructure...ah yes...my closet needs restructuring...think I'll throw out some of those old clothes and some of those old shoes that I take out of storage every fall...why do I keep those old clothes that I never wear year after year...those clothes that I save "just in case" they come back in style...maybe I would have more room in my closet if I threw out those "just in case" clothes...especially the ones with the big shoulder pads (speaking of shoulder pads...I was watching one of my favorite movies the other night...Pretty Woman...with the fabulous shopping scene with Julia Roberts on Rodeo Drive...I loved that movie about 20 years ago...but when I watched it the other night...all the outfits looked so dated...how could my favorite Richard Gere movie...my favorite Pretty Woman...be so dated...was it that long ago...yes, even Pretty Woman would have to restructure her closet if she were to open it today...and get rid of those huge pads weighing down her shoulders)...no more shoulder pads for me...I'm almost 50...I don't need to keep anymore outfits in my closet that have football shoulder pads...unless it's for a Halloween costume and I'm trying to look like an '80s gal.

What else should I restructure this fall...what else should I change or alter in my life before I turn 50...let's see...I would like to restructure my kitchen...but that's a major effort...and it would never happen in the next two months (two months, oh my, is that all that is left of my 49th year?)

I would like to restructure my backyard...that's a major effort too...I can't even get my landscaper to show up and rake my leaves let alone restructure the back or front yard of my house.

I need little restructurings...like my hair and highlights...maybe I'll restructure my mountain of magazines and newspapers that are piling up on my kitchen counter...that's a good, simple idea...I know...I'll go visit the new The Container Store that is opening up near the mall next week...yes...I'll restructure my magazines and newspapers in lots of containers...they have containers in all shapes and sizes for all my little restructuring needs.

I think I'll also buy a new bookcase...a retirement bookcase...to put all the books I've been collecting that I'm going to read in my retirement...I just found another book I want to read...Cathleen Black's new book called "Basic Black" to add to the list... just as Donna Karan said, "As every woman needs basic black in her wardrobe, she also needs Basic Black on her bookshelf."...wish I had time to read this book before I retire...maybe if I restructure my free time (what free time???)...I would have time to read this book before my first career is over(notice I said first career...of course I am going to have a second career someday when I am 50+).

I think I will also restructure my handbag for the fall...it is time to take out that new Suzy Chen handbag this week...the weather forecast is sunny and cool...no rain on the horizon...yes, I'm ready for a new week...ready to welcome November...only two months to go to my 50th birthday.


Judi

The Treadmill of Life

I was on the treadmill the other day...at the gym that is...although sometimes I feel like I'm on a literal treadmill every day...busy...busy...busy...will life ever slow down?

But, while I was on the treadmill at the gym I decided to speed up...I punched up my usual speed of 3.5 ...then I noticed a chart on the side of the treadmill...it gave a range of heart rates depending on your age...ah ha...I thought...let's see if I can keep up the pace of a 50 year old...let's see...let's see.

There were different suggested heart rates for a Fat Burning - low intensity workout or a Cardio -high intensity workout. The different suggested target rates decreased with age:

Age 20 Fat Burning 130 Cardio 160
Age 30 Fat Burning 123 Cardio 152
Age 40 Fat Burning 117 Cardio 144
Age 50 Fat Burning 110 Cardio 136
Age 60 Fat Burning 104 Cardio 128

I put my hands on the hot spots of the treadmill and waited to see where I netted out...was I keeping up with my age group...or was I younger...I held on tight...oh what would the treadmill say...what will my treadmill age tell me...I couldn't wait for the numbers to pop up...I walked faster and harder...but nothing appeared...faster...faster...faster...I pushed my body...nothing appeared...is it broken I wondered...or is my body going at such a slow pace that the heart rate won't even register?

And then the magic number appeared...130...130...130...yes, yes, yes...not only was I burning fat for a 50 year old.....I was walking like a fortysomething who was burning fat...and a thirtysomething...and even a twentysomething!

As I kept going my heart rate fluctuated...130...128...125...but I was maintaining my pace...on the treadmill of life, I was at my peak performance for a fat burning almost 50 year old...and after 30 minutes I was truly proud of my body...my legs...my arms...and every part of me that kept this almost 50 year old body moving...even my arthritic knees...and I listened to the music on my iPod..."More that a Feeling...Never Feel This Way Again!"

Yes, the treadmill of life can speed up...but this soon to be 50 year old body is on the move...50...50...50...ready or not...here I come...nothin's gonna slow me down.

Judi

Mid-life Cleansing

I started to read an excerpt from Dr. Christiane Northrup's book entitled The Wisdom of Menopause and I could not stop...thank you Oprah for featuring Dr. Northrup on your show...actually on your website...or in your email newsletter that I subscribe to...so glad I decided to subscribe to this newsletter since I don't have a TIVO to TIVO the Oprah Show (may have to get a TIVO for my 50th birthday...then I don't have to read about the Oprah Show...I can watch it...not that I have a lot of extra time to watch old episodes of Oprah)...anyway...back to Dr. Northrup's book...her excellent book that I most definitely have to purchase at the bookstore or on Amazon.com tomorrow.

I felt myself shaking my head as I read the excerpts from Dr. Northrup's book and from her appearance on the Oprah Show...everything she said was so true...I felt like she was a sister...a fellow peri-menopausal sister...someone that I bet if I met in a room...I could just walk up to and talk to...and have so much to share.

"At midlife, more psychic energy becomes available to us than at any time since adolescence," says Dr. Northrup. (Yes, Dr. Northrup, I do have a great deal of energy...no wonder I have problems sleeping...and I think I do have more energy than my adolescent son...he stays up late and can sleep in on weekends...whereas, I stay up late and get up early...must be that psychic energy moving through my body.)

To transform, says Dr. Northrup, "We must be willing to take full responsibility for our share of the problems in our lives. It takes great courage to admit our own contributions to the things that have gone wrong for us and to stop seeing ourselves simply as victims of someone or something outside of ourselves." (Okay, you're right...absolutely 100% correct...I need to take more responsibility for the issues I have in my life...stop worry about everyone else and doing more for myself...when was the last time I went to the gym...that's it...no more victim for me...watch out treadmill...here I come...I'm going to get in tiptop shape in my mid-life...use that psychic energy that is running through my body for a good cause...wonder if my psychic energy can work to heal my husband's wounds...and work to help my son with his college applications...stop it...stop it...here I go again...taking care of everyone else and not working on myself...where is my ID card for the gym?)

Dr. Northrup doesn't make it easy for me...nope...she wants me to really transform...she says "We must be willing to feel the pain of loss and grieve for those parts of our lives that we are leaving behind. And that includes our fantasies of how our lives could have been different if only." (If only...if only...where do I start...I'll have to work on my 'if only' list...not sure I'm ready for this yet...wonder if I can work on my 'if only' list when I'm 50+...it may take some time for me to compile my 'if only' list.)

According to Dr. Northrup, "When you hit about 35 to 40, you have an ego structure strong enough to really express who you are. So it's like all the stuff you knew when you were 12 or 13 or 11 comes back, but now you have the wherewithal and the skill set inform to manifest that in your life...You're reinventing yourself. You're figuring out who you are and you can't stand it another moment to live the way you've been living." (That is exactly what is happening to me...my ego structure is finally getting stronger...thank goodness...Dr. Northrup is so right...right...right...know wonder I was cleaning out my closet the other day...I was really throwing out a lot of stuff...a lot of old clothes and shoes...and I thought it was just my fall ritual...my fall closet cleansing after my annual trip to the dry cleaner to get my winter clothes from storage...I wasn't really cleansing...I must have been at the early stages of mid-life cleansing...as Dr. Northrup describes...this is exciting...this is getting very exciting.)

I also liked Dr. Northrup's advice to one baby boomer woman who was stressed out...just like me...she said the woman should "get her hormones balanced and get more circulation. The circulation of blood equals the circulation of joy," she says. "So you need to actually deliberately put in your calendar joyful times...make a list of five things you want to do—and then do them!" (This is easy...I like this tip...of course I have to actually do these things I put on my list...let's see what are my five joyful times...1- I have joy when I see my friends like the other day...2-I have joy when I go for facials...my next appointment is scheduled for November and I made a promise to myself not to cancel...3- I have joy when I go shopping for clothes...most of the time...especially in the fall...love those fall clothes when they are freshly arrived in the stores...4-I have joy when I relax and read my Vogue and InStyle magazines...even when I see designer clothes I cannot afford...I still have joyful moments looking at the pictures...5-I have joy when I watch a really great chick-flick...especially if Richard Gere or George Clooney are in the movie...that's it...that's my five joyful moments...I'm done...this was an easy part of my mid-life transformation...I like this step.)

Dr. Northrup says "many women struggle with anger...The anger is always at yourself because you have allowed yourself to be shortchanged...it's important to express—not repress—your anger...to get rid of anger...You use the anger and then get out of it as soon as you can...and get into joy immediately." (Okay...there we go again...back with the joyful moments...just like yesterday when I arrived home and was so angry from the entire day...angry at work...angry at the pain my husband was having...angry that my son had parked his car in the middle of the garage so I could not pull my car into my spot...angry...angry...angry me...angry...angry...angry day...wish I had read this article yesterday...wish I had known about Dr. Northrup's advice yesterday...then I would have had a joyful moment immediately...I'm going to put more joyful moments on my list and stick the list on my refrigerator...think I'll add ice cream to the list and M&Ms...dark chocolate M&Ms...I'm going to double up my joyful moments list...this is more fun than writing an 'if only' list.)

Dr. Northrup has lots more advice...about sleep...about stress...about sex...all the peri-menopausal "S's"...I stopped reading after she mentioned eating less carbohydrates...I didn't feel like giving up my many joyful pasta moments just yet...not ready to eat ground flaxseed as she suggested...but overall...overall...I do like Dr. Northrup's tips and I do think that she has some great advice...so when I get a spare moment...I'm definitely going to put her book on my 'to get' list and then on my 'to read' list...and maybe...maybe...even on my 'joyful moments' list...but for now...for now...I'm off to have an actual joyful moment...let's see...which moment should I choose...where are those M&Ms?

Judi

High School Daze

I closed my eyes today and I thought I was back in high school...let's see that was 1971 to 1975...to be exact...my high school days were on my mind today...this glorious and sunny fall day...I was celebrating my high school friend's 50th birthday...was it 36 years ago that we first met...how is that possible...and another friend joined us as well...I hadn't seen this friend since high school...more than 32 years since we graduated...32 years...how is that possible I thought to myself, as I drove home from the apple farm where we had gone to pick apples.

We were just like 17 year old school girls...only more mature...and with a few more wrinkles...a few more years of experience behind us...wonder if we ever realized that we would be meeting during our 50th year...that we would still be in touch after all these years...it felt just like the old times...we talked about the guys and gals from our high school days...and I remembered them...yes...I remembered Peter and Nancy...and Stephie and Laura...and Ginny and May...and Marianne and Debbie...I remembered the cool kids...and the smart ones...the ones with the Afros...and the ones with the sideburns...and the parts down the middle...and those who wore aviator tinted glasses...and bell-bottom pants...the quiet ones and the loud ones...the ones who sat in the front of the class and the ones who sat in the back.

I remembered the teachers...the easy teachers and the hard teachers...the young teachers and the older teachers...the new teachers and the more tenured ones...and those special teachers...the teachers that were special because they were such good teachers...or because they were so memorable...like my French teacher who wore a shirt with red hearts all over it...and a red tie on Valentine's Day.

I pulled out my high school yearbook when I arrived home...ooh...ooh...I really didn't look good in high school...didn't like my hairstyle very much...so 70s...let's see...what did it say in my yearbook...oh yes...I was in the Drama Club...I was on the Yearbook staff (I don't remember being on the Yearbook staff)...I was a Rexo Room aide (ah, yes...there were no computers in those days...instead we had to make copies of worksheets using a manual rexo machine that had nasty blue ink that got all over my fingers)...and I was also in Arista...think that was the acronym for the honor society.

Before I put my yearbook back on the shelf...I flipped through more pages to read all the notes that different friends had written...there was one note that stood out from the rest...perhaps because it said exactly what I was feeling on this glorious sunny fall day 30+ years later as I picked apples with my high school friend who was turning 50 today and the other friend who had turned 50 in March...it was from Spyro...wish I remembered Spyro......wonder what happened to Spyro...wonder if he became a writer...he sure had eloquent words to say when he was 18 years old...bet he never realized that his words would ring true three decades later on this glorious October day:

"Happiness is to be with certain friends like you. That is something I will treasure for the rest of my life. For it is worth more than anything else I value."

Judi