New Year's Resolutions

It's the first week of 2008...so I guess there is still time to write my new year's resolutions...not sure I'm in the resolution writing frame of mind right now...I may need more time to think about my resolutions...but, I really should make some resolutions for 2008...after all...it is my 50th year...should I write down 50 resolutions in honor of my 50th year...no...I don't think so.

I was intrigued by the resolution writing I read the other day in the Blogher newsletter. Lisa from Blogher said she writes her resolutions in what she calls 'The Matrix.' Here's what she said to do: "Across the top of the page write the months of the year. Down the left-hand side draw up the bucketfuls of life you want to live in the coming year. These buckets may change in order, but they're nearly always the same" (let's see...can I do this...am I able to do this 'Matrix' exercise during the end of my 49th year...just 5 days shy of 50...let's see what this 'Matrix' is all about):

Heart - Lisa says this is about what you want to accomplish for yourself and your family...I want to mend, to heal, to support my children during this difficult year of grieving and mourning the loss of my husband...my children's father...my big love...yes...this is the year to heal my broken heart...put it back together again.

Family - Lisa says these are the key things to do with extended family and friends...I want to be there for my family and friends...and open up and let them be there to help me too...no more superwoman (I still like Alicia Keys'new superwoman song...and I may still sing the words as I hum the tune...but unlike Alicia who sings about 'putting on her vest with the S on her chest'...that's not me...no...I'm taking off my vest with the S on my chest...I'm not gonna fly...I'm packing up my superwoman cape too...and keeping my feet firmly planted for my 50th year.

Spirit - Lisa says this is about giving back financially and personally...I want to do that...I need to do more volunteer work...I need to give back financially too...I need to think about how I'm going to give back to the community and communities that need my help...maybe that will help me heal too.

Wallet - What are the items I am forced to worry about this year? Lisa didn't have any answers for this one...not sure I do either...although, I do have a new set of college tuition bills to look forward to this year...once my son goes off to college...and I likely have other items to worry about that my husband used to take care of around the house...but I guess I can't worry about the items I don't know about...good thing my husband didn't tell me all his secrets...less worries to worry about.

Health - I like this one...according to Lisa...this is about taking care of my body...so that I can do all these other things...my new year's health resolution is to continue my monthly facials...take care of those wrinkles...go to the gym at least twice a week...maybe try yoga...maybe try that spin class...maybe not...maybe train for a marathon...maybe not...keep taking my vitamins...every day.

Create - What am I going to sew, make, paint this year...oh Lisa...I like this one...I like creating...this one is fun...let's see...I definitely want to sew something this year...make a skirt...a form fitted skirt...and maybe I will paint my closet...or the dirty wall in my basement...or maybe I'll take a painting class...or an art class...or a sewing class...yes...I really like creating...so many things to create.

Work - This is what I'm going to do at the office...I think I'm going to try to spend more time working all the other resolutions...spend a few less overtime hours working at the office...in my 50th year...I will work hard...but I am also going to spend more time on my other new year's resolutions: more heart...more family...more spirit...more health...more creating...and less wallet...definitely less worrying.

Write - Lisa says she learned the hard way in 2007 that if she tried to lump writing in with creating or working, it came last...I agree...I'm going to spend more time writing too...I'm going to finish my year to 50...I'm going to write my book...and maybe I'll start another blog...maybe I'll call it 'day by day'...or maybe I'll call it 'life after 50'...or maybe I'll just wait and see what I want to call it...no need to resolve this resolution right now.

I like this 'Matrix' approach...why limit myself to one or two new year's resolutions...who's counting...not me...I'm just counting down my days to my 50th birthday...five to go...five to go.

Judi

Defining Moments

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve...December 31st...the last day of 2007...tomorrow is the last new year's eve I will ring in as a forty-something...and what a year this has been...I knew it would be a year filled with ups and downs...and downs and ups...but I never thought it would be a year of such catastrophic change...for me and for my family.

It is just shy of two weeks since my husband's passing...just short of two weeks since I picked out his resting spot...I remember driving to the cemetery with my brother-in-law (my husband's older brother)...as we both grieved in the car and wondered how this had all happened...how this had all happened so quickly...I said to him that "I never thought my 49th year would be filled with such a defining moment as losing my spouse." "Defining moment," he said, "This is not the defining moment...the defining moment is what you do afterwards...how you go on afterwards...that is the defining moment."

I've been thinking about those words since my brother-in-law said them..."the defining moment is what you do afterwards...how you go on afterwards...that is the defining moment"...yes...I've been thinking about those words...and about the other defining moments in my life...and what I did afterwards...

...like the defining moment when I graduated from high school and went to Cornell University...that was pretty big on the scale of defining moments in my life...it was a whole new world of learning...a whole new world of growth experiences;

...like the defining moment when I graduated from college and took the summer off to chaperone a teen tour on a camping trip across the country...I had graduated and was off to see America and Western Canada...to see the sunrise over the Rockies...to see the sunset over Lake Tahoe...to shoot the rapids in Wyoming...to see the big brown bears in Lake Louise and Banff...it was such an incredible trip...one I will always remember;

...like the defining moment when I returned from my summer travels and had to get a real job...a job in the big city...in New York City...I remember becoming a secretary in an ad agency...I knew how to type...I had a college degree...I knew I could make this job work;

...like the defining moment when I knew I could do more and was ready for a change (two months later...the defining moments happened more quickly when I was younger...I grew restless more easily)...at that moment up popped a new job right around the corner...a fabulous job as an editorial assistant at a magazine...what a wonderful job...writing...meeting new people...going to exciting press parties in the food, fashion, and beauty industry...it was lovely...at least for two years...until I grew restless again;

...like the defining moment when I left the city and took a corporate writing and public relations job outside the city...yes...I left New York City...my favorite city...but only during the day...at night I returned back to my teeny-tiny one bedroom apartment...the teeny-tiny apartment that I shared with a roommate...the teeny-tiny apartment in a third floor walk-up...in a muddy green tenement building...the apartment that enabled me to call myself a sophisticated 'city girl';

...like the defining moment when I met my husband...I was 25 (ah...so young...ah...to be 25 again)...he was 32...we fell in love...we moved in together...we explored the the city together...there were so many spots we frequented...walks downtown to Greenwich Village...walks uptown to Central Park...and Saturdays were the best at the green market in Union Square;

...like the defining moment when we left the city and moved to New Jersey...and I started another corporate job(that was a 'biggie' moment...not sure how he convinced me to leave the city...but he did...I made the move...despite the traffic circles and the task of learning how to drive again (drive a Cutlass...yes...I drove my husband's Cutlass Supreme...I wanted a big car around me if I was going to drive in New Jersey)...I made the move;

...like the defining moment when we tied the knot (on Superbowl Sunday in 1984...back in New York City on a cold January day);

...like the defining moment when we bought our first home (it wasn't exactly a house...I wasn't able to go all the way...I was still used to being a city girl...so we bought a townhouse...with a galley kitchen...and a carport instead of a garage);

...like the defining moment when I gave birth to my daughter (was I scared...boy...was I scared...I didn't know how to take care of a child...I remember when we brought her home from the hospital and I sat up all night listening to every murmur she made...was she okay...was she hungry...did she need changing...I did not know for sure...but as time went on...I learned how to be a mom);

...like the defining moment when I gave birth to my son (was I scared...boy...was I scared...I never had a brother...I didn't know how I was going to raise a little boy...I didn't know a lot about sports...and how was I going to potty train him...I left that up to my husband...he did such a good job (he did a great job with the sports too)...and I remember the pediatrician saying that 'no boy ever went to college without being potty trained');

...like the defining moment when we bought a real house...not a townhouse...but a house with a lawn and a backyard...and a two car garage (was I scared...boy...was I scared...how was I going to take care of this house...how was I going to pay for this house...the realtor had shown us a much more expensive house than we had originally planned to purchase...she knew I would fall in love with the large kitchen...and especially the artistic kitchen tiles...and want to buy it...and I did);

...like the defining moment when my daughter graduated from high school and left for college (was I scared...boy...was I scared...my first born going off to a strange new place...leaving the house...the house with the two car garage...and the large kitchen...with the beautiful artistic kitchen tiles);

So many defining moments in my life...and now one of the biggest of all...losing my spouse (sooner than I ever imagined)...boy...am I scared...and soon my daughter will graduate from college (and hopefully move to the big city...just like her mama did almost 30 years ago)...and my son will graduate from high school and leave for college (my baby boy...off to a strange new place...leaving the house...the house with the two car garage...and the large kitchen...with the beautiful artistic kitchen tiles)...wonder what I will do now...maybe I'll have to change the artistic kitchen tiles...they are getting a bit old...maybe I'll have to remodel the entire kitchen.

Defining moments...I'm thinking about those words again..."the defining moment is what you do afterwards...how you go on afterwards...that is the defining moment"

Judi

A World on My Shoulders

There are 26 more days to go...26 until I turn 50...I have to hurry and get the world off my shoulders...the world that I've been carrying on my shoulders for almost 25 years...no more...when I turn 50 I want to just carry my two shoulders on my body...not the world.

That's it...starting today...starting today I'm going to simplify my life and take the world off my shoulders...my life needs to be real simple...now that I'm turning 50 I don't want a complicated life...what measures should I take...hmm...hmm...hmm.

For starters, instead of buying enough food for a family of five or more...especially when there are only now two in my household...I'm going to buy less...I'm not going to fill my shopping cart to the brim with food I won't eat...or don't need...just because it is on sale...or because it looks good...that will also simplify the process when I come home from the grocery store...I won't have as many bags of groceries to put away...less weight on my shoulders.

Next, I'm going to stop doing the job of five...I'm going to focus more...just be me...not me times five...and I'm going to shift from two bags to one briefcase and one handbag on my shoulders each night...I don't need to take home so much work from the office...I need to get all those bags off my shoulders. (Hold it...hold it...where will I put my Snapple that I bring to work every day...I don't think it will fit in my briefcase...uh oh...I can't leave my Snapple at home...I better rethink this...maybe I'll just downsize to the job of three...there's me, myself and I...yes, three is better than five...I'll do this gradually.)

Then...then I think I'll stop some of my magazine subscriptions when they run out...no more Vogue and InStyle...I must choose...make better decisions...I don't have time to read both magazines...but, which one should I choose...I do like the celebrity and accessory info in InStyle...but I do like the interesting stories in Vogue...I know...I know...I will only allow myself to purchase the September issue of Vogue and maybe...maybe the Spring fashion issue...but I don't need a subscription anymore...less weight on my shoulders (although the September Vogue is usually a pretty heavy magazine at 700+ pages)...but think of all the weight I'll take off my shoulders the rest of the year. (Wonder if I should switch and buy a subscription to Real Simple magazine instead...especially if I'm going to simplify my life...no stop it...stop it now...no more magazines!)

I'm going to cut down on my newspaper purchases on the weekend...from three to two...two Sunday papers are enough...and maybe I'll try to spend less on clothing...fewer, bigger, better purchases...Armani here I come!

I feel the weight lifting already...it's getting lighter...I'm standing straighter...wow...how did I keep the world on my shoulders for almost 25 years...so glad I'm turning 50 and finally realizing that the world is a big place...too big to be situated on MY shoulders any...any...anymore!

Judi

Pausing to Think

I was reading about an exercise today from Renee Peterson Trudeau, a nationally recognized career and life coach. This exercise was very appropriate for me as I approach my fiftieth year...it included six questions...hard hitting questions...questions to make me reconnect with who I am, questions to make me reflect on what matters most...and questions to make me consider what I want to create next in my life...dare I answer them...I thought as I started to read.

I took a pause...like Renee said to do...and I started to think about how I would answer these questions:

1. What do you need most in your life right now (personally or professionally)? Okay, Renee, you asked...now I'll answer...personally....personally...I need a renewal plan...need to build up my strength so I can tackle the next phase of my husband's recovery process (My Soulmate - June 17)......I need my hubby to get better and come back home and things to go back to normal...whatever normal is...or used to be...but frankly I don't know what that is anymore...and since it is not going to happen any time soon...I need some strength-building exercises to build me up...wonder if extra iron tablets would do the trick.(That's enough of this question...this is difficult...I'm not ready with the answer to this one right now...what's the next question?)

2. What do you want your life and career to look like one year from now? Good, Renee, this one is easy...if I raised my hand in the class I could give the answer to this question...a year from now...just one year from now...I want to be a published author...to have a successful blog that many baby boomer women are reading...that has my second career in full swing...as for my life...I want to have my son in a successful first year of college...my daughter in a successful year at her first job (in New York City...where I can visit her...of course)...and I want to have my hubby home (but that was my answer to the first question...can I use it twice...wonder if Renee would be okay with the same answer twice?)

3. If you knew you could not fail, what would you do next? What a great question...this is a fabulous question...Renee is a very good life coach...she knows exactly what questions to ask...failure has always been my fear...after all these years...now I have the opportunity to think about what I would do next if I knew I wasn't going to fail...well...well...well...what would I do...maybe I would buy a second home at the shore...or start that blogging business for baby boomer women...or publish that book on my own...or go back to school for my MBA...or for my design degree. (I like this question...it's fun to think about!)

4. What topics, issues or causes make you come alive? I like this question too...this is an easy one...many topics, issues and causes make me come alive...I'm very passionate about many topics: fashion, food, beauty, home decorating, movies, books, magazines, exercise (fun sports like hiking, camping, bicycling...not that I do any of these sports right now...but that was not a criteria for the question)...I'm very passionate about many issues and causes: women's issues, family issues, kids' issues, poverty issues, health issues, global warming issues. (That's enough for now...I'm jazzed just thinking about all these things...hope I can get to sleep tonight.)

5. What is most important to you at your current life stage? This one is an easy one too...family happiness...personal health and happiness...feeling content. (That was a quick one...I like this question.)

6. What belief, issue, or obstacle is blocking you from experiencing the life (or career) you desire? Hmm, hmm...think I'll go back to that question #3...is it fear of failure...or is it just fear itself...or is it my age...nah, definitely not...although I would't mind having a few more years to think about this question.

Think I'll have to go check out Renee's book...The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life...or check our Renee's website, www.reneetrudeau.com...to see if she has any answers.

Judi

Restructuring

I had had a tough week...and when I arrived at my colorist on Friday night he said it was time for "restructuring"..."Restructuring?" I thought...now what did he have in mind...I thought I was going to just perk up my hair color and fix up my highlights...little did I know that I was going to be "restructured"...but, it was just what I needed after a long week and it sounded much more interesting than a touch up...I left feeling refreshed...renewed...and I even cancelled my haircut for the next day.

The fall of my 49th year is a good time to think about restructuring...what else should I restructure...ah yes...my closet needs restructuring...think I'll throw out some of those old clothes and some of those old shoes that I take out of storage every fall...why do I keep those old clothes that I never wear year after year...those clothes that I save "just in case" they come back in style...maybe I would have more room in my closet if I threw out those "just in case" clothes...especially the ones with the big shoulder pads (speaking of shoulder pads...I was watching one of my favorite movies the other night...Pretty Woman...with the fabulous shopping scene with Julia Roberts on Rodeo Drive...I loved that movie about 20 years ago...but when I watched it the other night...all the outfits looked so dated...how could my favorite Richard Gere movie...my favorite Pretty Woman...be so dated...was it that long ago...yes, even Pretty Woman would have to restructure her closet if she were to open it today...and get rid of those huge pads weighing down her shoulders)...no more shoulder pads for me...I'm almost 50...I don't need to keep anymore outfits in my closet that have football shoulder pads...unless it's for a Halloween costume and I'm trying to look like an '80s gal.

What else should I restructure this fall...what else should I change or alter in my life before I turn 50...let's see...I would like to restructure my kitchen...but that's a major effort...and it would never happen in the next two months (two months, oh my, is that all that is left of my 49th year?)

I would like to restructure my backyard...that's a major effort too...I can't even get my landscaper to show up and rake my leaves let alone restructure the back or front yard of my house.

I need little restructurings...like my hair and highlights...maybe I'll restructure my mountain of magazines and newspapers that are piling up on my kitchen counter...that's a good, simple idea...I know...I'll go visit the new The Container Store that is opening up near the mall next week...yes...I'll restructure my magazines and newspapers in lots of containers...they have containers in all shapes and sizes for all my little restructuring needs.

I think I'll also buy a new bookcase...a retirement bookcase...to put all the books I've been collecting that I'm going to read in my retirement...I just found another book I want to read...Cathleen Black's new book called "Basic Black" to add to the list... just as Donna Karan said, "As every woman needs basic black in her wardrobe, she also needs Basic Black on her bookshelf."...wish I had time to read this book before I retire...maybe if I restructure my free time (what free time???)...I would have time to read this book before my first career is over(notice I said first career...of course I am going to have a second career someday when I am 50+).

I think I will also restructure my handbag for the fall...it is time to take out that new Suzy Chen handbag this week...the weather forecast is sunny and cool...no rain on the horizon...yes, I'm ready for a new week...ready to welcome November...only two months to go to my 50th birthday.


Judi

Mid-life Cleansing

I started to read an excerpt from Dr. Christiane Northrup's book entitled The Wisdom of Menopause and I could not stop...thank you Oprah for featuring Dr. Northrup on your show...actually on your website...or in your email newsletter that I subscribe to...so glad I decided to subscribe to this newsletter since I don't have a TIVO to TIVO the Oprah Show (may have to get a TIVO for my 50th birthday...then I don't have to read about the Oprah Show...I can watch it...not that I have a lot of extra time to watch old episodes of Oprah)...anyway...back to Dr. Northrup's book...her excellent book that I most definitely have to purchase at the bookstore or on Amazon.com tomorrow.

I felt myself shaking my head as I read the excerpts from Dr. Northrup's book and from her appearance on the Oprah Show...everything she said was so true...I felt like she was a sister...a fellow peri-menopausal sister...someone that I bet if I met in a room...I could just walk up to and talk to...and have so much to share.

"At midlife, more psychic energy becomes available to us than at any time since adolescence," says Dr. Northrup. (Yes, Dr. Northrup, I do have a great deal of energy...no wonder I have problems sleeping...and I think I do have more energy than my adolescent son...he stays up late and can sleep in on weekends...whereas, I stay up late and get up early...must be that psychic energy moving through my body.)

To transform, says Dr. Northrup, "We must be willing to take full responsibility for our share of the problems in our lives. It takes great courage to admit our own contributions to the things that have gone wrong for us and to stop seeing ourselves simply as victims of someone or something outside of ourselves." (Okay, you're right...absolutely 100% correct...I need to take more responsibility for the issues I have in my life...stop worry about everyone else and doing more for myself...when was the last time I went to the gym...that's it...no more victim for me...watch out treadmill...here I come...I'm going to get in tiptop shape in my mid-life...use that psychic energy that is running through my body for a good cause...wonder if my psychic energy can work to heal my husband's wounds...and work to help my son with his college applications...stop it...stop it...here I go again...taking care of everyone else and not working on myself...where is my ID card for the gym?)

Dr. Northrup doesn't make it easy for me...nope...she wants me to really transform...she says "We must be willing to feel the pain of loss and grieve for those parts of our lives that we are leaving behind. And that includes our fantasies of how our lives could have been different if only." (If only...if only...where do I start...I'll have to work on my 'if only' list...not sure I'm ready for this yet...wonder if I can work on my 'if only' list when I'm 50+...it may take some time for me to compile my 'if only' list.)

According to Dr. Northrup, "When you hit about 35 to 40, you have an ego structure strong enough to really express who you are. So it's like all the stuff you knew when you were 12 or 13 or 11 comes back, but now you have the wherewithal and the skill set inform to manifest that in your life...You're reinventing yourself. You're figuring out who you are and you can't stand it another moment to live the way you've been living." (That is exactly what is happening to me...my ego structure is finally getting stronger...thank goodness...Dr. Northrup is so right...right...right...know wonder I was cleaning out my closet the other day...I was really throwing out a lot of stuff...a lot of old clothes and shoes...and I thought it was just my fall ritual...my fall closet cleansing after my annual trip to the dry cleaner to get my winter clothes from storage...I wasn't really cleansing...I must have been at the early stages of mid-life cleansing...as Dr. Northrup describes...this is exciting...this is getting very exciting.)

I also liked Dr. Northrup's advice to one baby boomer woman who was stressed out...just like me...she said the woman should "get her hormones balanced and get more circulation. The circulation of blood equals the circulation of joy," she says. "So you need to actually deliberately put in your calendar joyful times...make a list of five things you want to do—and then do them!" (This is easy...I like this tip...of course I have to actually do these things I put on my list...let's see what are my five joyful times...1- I have joy when I see my friends like the other day...2-I have joy when I go for facials...my next appointment is scheduled for November and I made a promise to myself not to cancel...3- I have joy when I go shopping for clothes...most of the time...especially in the fall...love those fall clothes when they are freshly arrived in the stores...4-I have joy when I relax and read my Vogue and InStyle magazines...even when I see designer clothes I cannot afford...I still have joyful moments looking at the pictures...5-I have joy when I watch a really great chick-flick...especially if Richard Gere or George Clooney are in the movie...that's it...that's my five joyful moments...I'm done...this was an easy part of my mid-life transformation...I like this step.)

Dr. Northrup says "many women struggle with anger...The anger is always at yourself because you have allowed yourself to be shortchanged...it's important to express—not repress—your anger...to get rid of anger...You use the anger and then get out of it as soon as you can...and get into joy immediately." (Okay...there we go again...back with the joyful moments...just like yesterday when I arrived home and was so angry from the entire day...angry at work...angry at the pain my husband was having...angry that my son had parked his car in the middle of the garage so I could not pull my car into my spot...angry...angry...angry me...angry...angry...angry day...wish I had read this article yesterday...wish I had known about Dr. Northrup's advice yesterday...then I would have had a joyful moment immediately...I'm going to put more joyful moments on my list and stick the list on my refrigerator...think I'll add ice cream to the list and M&Ms...dark chocolate M&Ms...I'm going to double up my joyful moments list...this is more fun than writing an 'if only' list.)

Dr. Northrup has lots more advice...about sleep...about stress...about sex...all the peri-menopausal "S's"...I stopped reading after she mentioned eating less carbohydrates...I didn't feel like giving up my many joyful pasta moments just yet...not ready to eat ground flaxseed as she suggested...but overall...overall...I do like Dr. Northrup's tips and I do think that she has some great advice...so when I get a spare moment...I'm definitely going to put her book on my 'to get' list and then on my 'to read' list...and maybe...maybe...even on my 'joyful moments' list...but for now...for now...I'm off to have an actual joyful moment...let's see...which moment should I choose...where are those M&Ms?

Judi

Reinventing Myself

I was reading a book the other day...yes...actually I read an entire book...all 127 pages...even the credits...(and I thought I would not read a book again until I was retired...nonsense)and I read it in 30 minutes...I could not put it down...I wish all books were as easy to read as this one...it was called "It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be"...the book was authored by Paul Arden, a creative genius who had worked at the Saatchi & Saatchi advertising agency for many years...this little book captured my 49 year old attention span...it struck at my heart strings...being the creative person I am and have always wanted to be...I should have had a career in advertising...wonder where I would be now if I had pursued a career in advertising?

I especially liked Arden's words on creativity..."Creativity is imagination, and imagination is for everyone," he says...and he provided a wheel to help me understand my life's creative circle...I read through each age group in the circle...and thought about my life's creative circle...

Age 0 - 1 -- Nothing (nope, I was nothing from mid 1957 until that fateful day of January 8, 1958 when I was born...born into my creative circle.)

Age 1 - 3 -- Minimalism (I think I must have shown signs of creativity at an early age...will have to ask my mom about my pre-school days...although I don't think I ever went to pre-school...there were no pre-schools back in the late 50s and early 60s...I think my mom likely gave me a few Crayola crayons to draw with...I loved Crayola crayons...loved to get a new box of pointy crayons.)

Age 3 - 5 -- Fantasy (I always played dress up...dressed up in my mom's pointy shoes...dressed up in my mom's clothes...liked to dress up with her costume jewelry and pretend I was a fancy lady.)

Age 5 - 10 -- The Beginnings of Copying (I did copy pictures from magazines...and I liked to draw...even if I wasn't very good at it...I would make collages from all the magazines we had around the house.)

Age 10 - 15 -- Art Becomes Grown Up (I think this was the age when I started to sew and make real clothing...this may have been the age when I decided I was going to be a famous designer...which never came to fruition.)

Age 15 - 20 -- A Need to Change the World (Yep, that was me...I was going to change the world...no wonder I went to work on the McGovern presidential campaign.)

Age 20 - 25 -- Beginnings of Political Awareness (No wonder why I stopped working on the McGovern presidential campaign...or any political campaigns.)

Age 25 - 30 -- Maturity (Yep, I was maturing...I got married at 25...I had my first kid at 28...that sent me into rapid maturity...nothing like becoming a parent to send a person into rapid maturity...being responsible for another human being...buying a house - I wasn't totally mature...I only bought a townhouse...I bought the entire house later in life.)

Age 30 - 40 -- Hell Bent On Success (Yep, that was me in my 30s...I was "hell bent on success"...I was heading up the corporate ladder...climbing my way to the top...I didn't get all the way to the top...but I was still determined to do it with two kids...and a husband...and a house...I was on auto-pilot...it was full speed ahead.)

Age 40 - 45 -- Repeating Success (I was on auto-pilot...hard working...persevering...full speed ahead...that was me...climbing my way to the top.)

Age 45 - 50 -- Trying to Keep Up With the 25-Year Olds (That's me...I went on the treadmill the other day and I just could not keep up...no more running for me...but how do I walk fast and keep up with the 25-Year Olds who are running?)

Age 50 -- The Watershed (Yes, Arden is right...I'm going to hit the "watershed" soon..."the parting" or "divide" as it says in the dictionary...wonder what life will be like after I hit this divide...what new ventures will I have...what new people will I meet...how will my life change...how will I change...what will I change???)

According to Arden's "Life's Creative Circle" aged 50 - 60 is titled "Reinventing Yourself"...I really...really...really, really...really like the sound of those words...that's what I want to do...RE-IN-VENT MY-SELF...my WHOLE SELF...wonder who I'll become...think I'll bring back some of that creativity that's been brewing inside me all these years...it's time to crank up the gears...get those rusty parts moving that have been dormant...it's time for a complete REINVENTION.

Judi

P.S. - Arden's "Life's Creative Circle" did not end at 60...the rest of the years were too far out...but here's what I have to look forward to:

60 - 75 A Gentle Decline Into Senility (See why I stopped focusing after the first half of the circle?)

75 - 85 Youth Regained (So I'll have about 15 years of senility and then I'll get my youth back.)

85 - 100 Inhibitions Lost, Don't Give A Damn, Me, Me, Me (Life's sure like a circle...it's back to being a teenager again at 85+.)

Come September

It's September 8th...could not let the 8th pass by without recording something...after all...it is four months and counting from today that I turn 50...where did the other eight months go...how is it the Fall already...I do like the Fall...there are always new beginnings in the Fall...I like new beginnings...even if it is not technically Fall on the calendar for a few more weeks...it is Fall to me...once Labor Day Weekend has passed and the school buses are on the road again...I think about the Fall...

- Not that I am starting any classes...it would be nice to take some classes...I'd like to become a personal coach some day and take classes to learn how to become a coach...I've also always wanted to take a fabric draping class at The Moore College of Art (to learn how to drape fabrics...for the future...when I start sewing again)...maybe next year...although...actually I am starting classes...I'm starting the 12th grade...I do always feel like I experience school with my son...that's because I worry about all the work he has...especially when I read all the class syllabuses the evening of the first day of school...I don't remember ever receiving any class syllabuses when I went to school...things are different now...now they need to stress the kids out starting the first day of school...and stress the parents out as well so we know what we have to look forward to all year long...I can tell I am not going to like 12th grade...just too stressful...however I noticed I will be reading Hamlet and Macbeth...I do like Shakespeare..."To Be Or Not To Be...that is the Question."

I know it isn't truly the Fall yet...it is still Summer for a few more months...but once school is in session I always think Fall...I enjoyed seeing all the kids walking to school the other day...walking with their big back-packs on their backs...step by step...just like I did 40+ years ago...when I walked in my new Buster-Brown Mary Janes to school and back home again...no buses for me...we walked...I loved when my mom took me to buy my new school shoes...I couldn't wait to wear them on the first day.

- Fall fashions are all over the paper and magazines...I did read the 800+ page September issue of Vogue...and the hundreds of pages of the September issue of In Style...and the Fashions of the Times magazine...and the Philadelphia Inquirer special Fall Fashion supplement...just love to keep up with the Fall fashions...not sure what Fall fashions I will be able to wear...those new Fall 2007 Mary Janes are not like the ones I bought in the 1960s...the heels are too high for my 49 year old feet...but it is nice to see that patent leather is in style...just love patent leather shoes!)

- Fall makeup and nail polish - had to buy some of the new Russian shades of OPI nail polish...can't wait to put on my new nail colors for Fall...rich burgundy colors are my favorites...will have to catch up on the popular makeup colors for Fall 2007 too...will my 49 year old face be able to adjust to the new Fall colors...we will see...can I still get away with wearing MAC makeup for my 49th Fall...or should I start to make the switch now to a more mature makeup line like Estee Lauder or Elizabeth Arden...maybe I will just have to fall in step and have a Fall makeover...ooh la la.

- There are more new beginnings in the Fall...all the new Fall televisions shows will be starting soon...the Emmy Awards are in the Fall and the MTV Video Music Awards are in September (love those awards shows...love to watch all the celebrities and see what they are wearing...even after all these years...I'm still a celebrity junkie).

- And my hubby is moving in the Fall...he is moving to his next phase of his rehabilitation.(My Soulmate - June 17)......to a long-term care facility that will help him on his road to recovery...his journey to "get better" so he can give me all the hugs he owes me...hopefully in the Fall...not the Winter...that's too long to wait...I need a hug before my 50th birthday...four months from today...that's the goal post...and I'll be waiting...come September...come November...come December...it's Fall and I'll be waiting.

Judi
-

Single in September

It's September...Labor Day Weekend...and I'm single in September...my hubby is still in the hospital.(My Soulmate - June 17)...my daughter is back to college...my son is off at the shore...and I'm in single-dom...Ms. Independent...haven't been this way in a long...long...long time...not sure I ever really was Ms. Independent...I've always had my parents...roommates...a husband...or kids around me...all my life.

"Sooooo....sooooo...what should I do now," I said to myself this afternoon. "Should I go shopping?"...I don't really feel like buying fall clothes yet..."Should I go to the gym?"...yep, yep, yep...better get back to building those muscles..."Should I go grocery shopping?"....yep, yep, yep...I went grocery shopping and filled up my shopping cart with so much food...why I don't know...especially since I am in single-dom for the next few days...but I'm not used to living in single-dom...how do singles live...I don't know.

It's lonely in single-dom...and quiet...I didn't like the quiet...so I turned on Vivaldi's The Four Seasons...and since it is September...I played the end of the Summer Concerto and the Autumn Concerto too (it is my favorite but when I am in family-dom no one wants to listen to classical music...so I don't get a chance to play it...I used to listen to Vivaldi all the time in my pre-family-dom days...it started to bring back memories.)

Then I cooked...I actually followed a recipe, which I haven't done in months...maybe even years...I wrote down all the ingredients and I remembered to buy the ingredients at the store too...this was a big...big...big deal...only problem was I cooked for my family...but they weren't there...and I could not eat all four servings of my Dijon Chicken Mushroom Stroganoff...even though it was an old Weight Watchers recipe...and it was calibrated for a lower calorie and lower fat meal...I don't think it was meant for one person to eat all four chicken cutlets and four cups of yolk-free noodles and a half-pound of mushrooms...so I ate two portions (I could not just eat one...I pretended that I was eating for two...so I ate both portions to ensure that I would not go hungry)...and I packed the extra two servings away for another day.

Then I baked...I followed another recipe...this one was easy...it was one of my favorite cakes from The Cake Mix Doctor...I love the Cake Mix Doctor...her cakes are made from a cake mix...but you add so many things to the cake mix that the cake mix cake doesn't taste like a cake made from a cake mix...and the recipes are easy.

I baked a large Banana cake with some of the three pounds of bananas I bought at the discount produce store...not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of the bananas...this cake will last me a long time in single-dom...even in double-dom when my son returns this week...I only ate one slice...was just too full from my double portion of Chicken Mushroom Stroganoff...so I put the rest of the cake away...the whole cake...minus one corner piece...some pieces went in the freezer...and I packed up a basket of pieces for the nurses that are helping my hubby to get better...to get better so I won't be in single-dom come next September.

I ended the day with a glass of wine...my favorite Yellow Tail Pino Grigio...the fruity white wine I like...and I drank two glasses...and I raised a toast to myself...I survived my 49th summer...it was over...never to re-live again...onward and upward...I raised a glass...four months and counting...and I'll be the big 5-0.

Judi

P.S. - If you are ever single in September and have the urge to bake...this banana cake is really good...good for family-dom...or Ms. Independents who like to have a lot of cake around. Thought I would share the recipe adapted from "The Cake Mix Doctor" by Anne Byrn (Workman, 1999). It takes about 1 hour total to prep and bake:

Banana Cake

Solid vegetable shortening
Flour
1 package (18 1/4 ounces) plain yellow cake mix
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 ripe bananas, mashed (about 1 cup)
1 cup water
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3 large eggs
2 teaspoons creme de banane liqueur (I never use this ingredient and it still tastes great)

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 13x9 inch baking pan with shortening, and dust with flour. Shake out excess flour.
2. Place cake mix, brown sugar and cinnamon in a large mixing bowl. Add mashed bananas, 1 cup water, oil, eggs and, if desired liqueur. Blend with an electric mixer on low speed 1 minute. Stop mixer and scrape down side of bowl with rubber spatula. Beat 2 minutes at medium speed until well blended, scraping side again, if needed. Pour into prepared pan, and place on center rack of oven.
3. Bake until top is lightly browned and a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Remove from oven and cool on a wire rack.

Yield: 16 servings

Banana Cream Cheese Frosting (I don't always make this frosting...but it is very, very good with the cake...I didn't write down the ingredients on my shopping list today...so my 49 year old brain forgot to get the ingredients for the frosting!)

4 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter, at room temperature
1 3/4 cups confectioners sugar
3 to 4 drops LorAnn banana creme flavor or 1/2 teaspoon imitation banana

1. Place cream cheese and butter in a large mixing bowl. Blend with an electric mixer on low speed until combined. Add confectioners sugar a bit at a time, and blend on low speed until well incorporated, 1 minute. Add flavoring, and blend at medium speed until fluffy, 1 minute more.

2. Use at once to frost top of cake.

Yield: 1 1/2 cups

Play Me A Tune

I keep thinking about the words that Gail Blanke, the Career Coach from AOL Body, talked about when I was out in Chicago at the Blogher Conference last month. She had so much good advice to share...memorable advice that I not only wrote down...but advice that I actually remember and think about...her words had such an impact on me...guess that's what a good coach does...she makes you think about your life and your actions.

One of the actions she said to think about was my song...yes...my song. She said that no army goes into battle without a theme song...no winning team goes to play without a theme song to rouse them and get them fired up.

The other day I started writing down songs...started to think about what my theme song should be...my very own theme song that I should sing...as I climb my mountain...as I face adversity...as I charge ahead with my 50+ plans...as I take risks.

Quite a few songs came to mind...songs that have been on my favorites list during the past several years...songs that resonate...that pump me up. Since I'm not a very good singer...once I do pick my theme song...I'm going to have to practice and practice and practice...to learn all the words...because Gail says that when you do pick your theme song you must sing it...and sing it loud.

So what should my song be...now that I'm turning 50 I especially need a theme song...and once I select my theme song I will have to play it and sing it everyday leading up to my big birthday...let's see...what is on my list:

- I Am Woman (it still gets me going whenever I hear this song...where has Helen Reddy gone anyway?)
- Nothing's Going to Stop Me Now (rev up those engines...I'm charging ahead)
- Don't Stop Believing (okay...I got this one from the last episode of the Sopranos...but I just forgot about Journey and since that last episode...that memorable series finale...I cannot get that song out of my head)
- Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow (Fleetwood Mac has so many great songs, but this one has always motivated me to do exactly what the title says..."think about tomorrow")
- I am Changing (This is the song from Dreamgirls...you go girls...you are all star performers...I have this song on my CD and often play it on my way to work)
- The Best (A Tina Turner classic...makes me stand up and shout out the chorus every time I hear it)

There are probably dozens more songs in my repetoire...I just can't remember their titles or who sings them...so I will have to wait until I hear the songs on the radio and go to iTunes...or have my son or daughter go to iTunes...and download the songs onto my iPod...then I'll have to practice the tunes...and see which ones I can sing the best.

Good thing I have several months to go before my 50th birthday...before I have to sing my theme song..."simply the best...better than all the rest...better than anyone...anyone...anyone...anyone...anyone"...uh oh...I forgot the rest...where did my iPod go...oops...it is in the car...no more music for this evening...don't want to sound like a broken record...maybe I should get a karaoke machine for my 50th birthday!

Judi

"Letting Go"

Today I started "letting go"...just like Gail Blanke, the AOL Body personal coach told me to do at the Blogher Conference luncheon...I'm "letting go" of the stuff that is holding me back.

I'm letting go of the bad stuff...(I'm only going to think about the good stuff...like the fact that my husband is able to start eating again...yes that's the good stuff...after two months he took his first swallow of real food yesterday...and I brought him good stuff to eat...banana ices that are his favorite...he cannot eat too much...but that's okay...in time he'll be able to have more good stuff...more good food...I may have to learn how to cook the good food again...not that I really cook anymore...but I will try...maybe I'll try to make a low-fat, low-sugar banana cream pie for him to enjoy...that's good stuff.)

I'm letting go of the anger...(Who is angry...not me...I'm turning 50...I have wrinkles...I'm having a hot flash right now...but I'm not angry...I can't sleep...I have no time to read anymore...I'm so busy...but I'm not angry...nope...I'm letting go...nothing is going to make me angry anymore...life is too short to be angry.)

I'm letting go of the fear of failing...(I'm going to try new things when I'm 50...if I fail...so I fail...did I just say that...can Judi with an "i" fail...can I let myself fail...yes...I'm going to try new things just to try them...I'm going to try some of those things that I've always wanted to try and maybe I'll make mistakes...no more A plus, pluses for me...I'm ready for those C grades.

I'm letting go of the beliefs about myself that may not be true...(I'm going to be positive about my strengths...I am woman hear me roar...I think I'm going to permanently change the spelling of my name when I turn 50...Judi with an "i"...with new beliefs about myself...according to a recent article in the New York Times.the lowercase "i" is very trendy..taking after the "iPod" and the "iPhone" ...I need an "i" in my name when I turn 50...I like the way Judi looks on the page (okay my real name is Judy with a "y"...I've just been using Judi with an "i" as my pen name...but it has changed my life...and I like it.)

Gail told each of us to go home and start "letting go" by throwing out 50 things...any 50 things...so now that I'm turning 50...throwing out 50 things should be easy...I likely have 100 things I could throw out...but I'll start with 50...yes...I'll start with the two junk drawers in my kitchen that are cluttered with so much junk...I bet I have 50 things in each drawer I could throw out...then I'll head to the basement and throw out another 50 things...and then I'll go up in the attic and throw out 50 things...and finally in my bedroom closet...I don't have 50 pairs of shoes I could throw out...but I bet I have quite a few that I don't wear anymore...they might come back in style...but I'm going to throw them out anyway.

I'm excited about "letting go"...feels liberating...can't wait until the garbage men get to my house this week...they better have strong arms...those garbage cans are going to filled to the brim!

Judi

A Vision with A View

I was thinking today about the coaching session I attended at the Blogher conference. It was hosted by AOL Body...not sure about this site...but may have to check it out sometime...anyway...I attended a luncheon hosted by Gail Blanke, a business and career coach...she was so inspiring...I wish she was my personal coach...maybe I should think about getting a personal coach...maybe before I turn 50...then my personal coach can help guide me to make the right choices in my 50+ years and maybe become more of a risk-taker.

Her coaching session was really, really good...inspiring...very inspiring...made me think about my life...and about my daily actions. As Gail spoke...I was able to put myself into the different situations she spoke about...it felt good...hard...but good...

- Gail talked about having confidence...about walking into a room and introducing yourself with a starter phrase such as..."I'm the one who..." I've been thinking about that one little sentence for a few days now...I keep asking myself to answer that question...or finish the sentence...only every time I start to fill in the end of the sentence...I can't decide..."I'm the one who is going through some bad times, but trying to be strong"....yep, nope..."I'm the one who is a pretty good writer who hopes to turn her blog into a book"...yep, nope..."I'm the one who is creative, can multi-task, and juggle, walk the tightrope...yep, yep..."Oh, yes...and I'm the one who is turning 50 in a few months...yep, yep, yep. (feels weird saying only a few months...now that it is August I am officially closer to 50 than I am to 49).

- Gail talked about creating a vision of how good it could be..."how good can you make it," she challenged us...she said her vision is running on the beach, laughing, feeling good with her grandchildren.

What's your vision?" she asked us. Let's see...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...um...ummmm, ummmmm, okay...my vision is divided...I see myself on a beach in California relaxing on a sunny porch at my summer home in Laguana overlooking the ocean enjoying a glass of Pinot Grigio...my feet are elevated...the air is clear...and I'm reading an absolutely fabulous piece of chick lit that I cannot put down...my husband is cooking one of his fantastic salmon entrees with risotto and my kids stop by to enjoy the view...(I could go on and on "how good can you make it," Gail said...this sounds pretty darn good to me..and that is just my summer vision.)

Let's see about my fall vision...my fall/winter vision includes a studio...or a one bedroom apartment in NYC...with a view of Central Park...maybe running in Central Park on a crisp fall day (running in my favorite outfit that I bought at the Lucy store...just love that name...and love the store too...even if I don't have time to exercise anymore...I still love my Lucy exercise clothes...and my vision includes exercising so I know I will eventually wear my Lucy exercise clothes sometime in the future)...going to a Metropolitan Museum Costume exhibit...or maybe the gala opening event with Anna Wintour...wearing a long gown...a long Armani gown(always wanted to go someplace formal like in the society pages of the New York Times or at the Golden Globes or Oscars.)

This vision exercise is quite exciting...I like this...I like this...who cares if it doesn't come true...it's as good as it gets...Gail said we should build our castle and not hold back...I'm not holding back...it's fun creating a vision with a view.

As for this evening...my short-term vision is to put on my pjs, brush my teeth and wash my face...put on my Estee Lauder Future Perfect cream (maybe I don't need this cream...as my vision for the future does not include any wrinkles)...take a Lunesta...and have a wonderful, relaxing, restful sleep...and tomorrow...tomorrow I'll think about the other exercises Gail talked about...she had some other exercises for me...can't do them all at once...tomorrow I might just try the one about "letting go"...yes...tomorrow or the next day or the day after that I'll start the exercise on "letting go"...it might be a little tough for me...but I'm up to the challenge.

Judi

Commencing on 50

It's June. And that means that there will be graduations...every year since my 21st...this time of year I always think back to my college graduation...never thought I would graduate from college...at least not the college I started out at in 1975...all those letters I wrote home saying..."I hate it here...not going to make it here...too hard here...too cold here...too much work here"...then the next thing I remember it was four years later and I was walking down the path to the big Cornell University stadium with my mom and dad cheering me on...that was 1979...(two more years and it will be my 30th reunion...how can that be)...so glad I can still remember those days...especially since I forget so many things lately.

When I see all the young graduates today...I'm in awe...I think I can relate better to the kindergarten grads than the high school grads...some of those high achieving high schoolers have done more in their 18 years than I've done in my 49...and forget about the college grads...many have been all over the world...yes...all over the world...when I was in college I was happy in my own little world...didn't even think about seeing the entire world...not me...although I did go cross country as a chaperone on a teen tour the summer after I graduated...I traveled across the western part of the USA and into Western Canada...spent two months with 50 teenagers...not sure which was more fascinating...seeing all the sites...or seeing how many teenagers could climb over my sleeping bag to try to get out of the tent for the night...(that's right...now I remember...it was a camping trip...now I remember exactly why I never became a teacher).

Just read all the excerpts from several of this year's commencement speakers...Gloria Steinem spoke at Smith College...Angela Davis spoke at University of California and Grinnell College...and Laura Bush was at Pepperdine University...commencement speeches are always so inspiring...of course they are inspiring to me now that I'm 49... I'm interested to hear what these wise women have to say...I bet all the twentysomethings find them boring...except for the alpha over-achievers...I don't even remember who spoke at my college commencement...nope...can't even remember who it was...obviously didn't make an impact on my life...well..maybe it did and I just can't remember what the impact was.

I was thinking the other day what I would say to all the graduates...that is if I was ever asked to give a commencement speech...I'll have to write my book first...then maybe some school will ask me to speak at their graduation...when I'm a famous author maybe I will go to Pepperdine University and give a commencement speech (just like Laura Bush)...I still have time...I'm only 49...there's many graduation speeches to give...but what would I tell my graduates?

I think I'd tell them about storming, norming and performing...I'd tell them that the years after they graduate they will be storming, norming and performing...and then they will do it all over again...that's right...in my early 20s I stormed...moved around from job to job and guy to guy...later in my 20s and 30s I normed...got married...had kids...settled down...in my 40s I was really performing...the best at my job...my career was on the rise...I was a working mom doing it all...or at least I thought I was doing it all.

Now as I approach 50...I'm ready to do it all over again (not the kids...just the storming, norming, performing)...yep...I'm ready to storm again...I'm graduating all over again...this is my commencement year...(it's almost there...I'll turn 50 in a few months...but it is June and that is when commencement happens...so I'm going to celebrate my 49th...almost 50th year...and think about all the storming that is coming up.)

This time I'm so much wiser...so much more experienced...I do know now what I didn't know then...therefore, watch out world...the storm may start out as a drizzle...but I think this time around...I may want to have a thunderstorm...and I'm 50...so I don't mind if it's a hard rain storm...let it hail...I have my umbrella...I'm ready to graduate.

Judi

P.S. - If I'm graduating I do deserve some graduation presents...maybe I should get the pair of red shoes that I've wanted this year...I found the exact pair of red shoes...the same as my black patent leather Tahari ones...only in red...yes...I think I'll buy myself my red Tahari pumps at piperlime.com...the fresh shoe shop from Gap...sounds like a good idea to me...then I'll finally have my red pumps to match my red bag...I think this is going to be a good commencement.

Mama Bear Buys A New Phone

My cell phone broke down about a week ago...I knew I was in for trouble...I had bought cell insurance for my kids' phones, but didn't think I would ever need it for my own phone. Off to Cingular I went with my broken phone in tow..."Can you fix it?" I asked the salesman, "The speaker phone will not work anymore and it doesn't seem to ring anymore either." (I wondered if maybe no one wanted to call me anymore...maybe my friends didn't like me anymore...maybe the ringer really wasn't broken.)

The salesman agreed that my LG cell needed to be put to rest...after two years and no more speaker...it was time to trade it in for a new one. "But," he said, "you are in luck...your contract has expired and you can get a new phone at the discounted rate as long as you renew your 2-year contract.... in fact," he said, "your entire family is eligible to upgrade."

"Wow...wow...wow...ugh!...ugh!...ugh!"...I thought. I knew my kids would be ecstatic, but what about me...and what about my husband who barely uses his Motorola mobile...how would we baby boomers adjust to this change? I'm not good with change (either is he)...especially after two years...it took me two years to learn how to use the speaker phone on my old LG...and I really liked it...it was my companion on my ride home from work...how would I adjust to a new more high tech cellphone?

My son and daughter were jumping for joy...they were up bright and early last Saturday morning...no oversleeping last weekend...not in my household...off to Cingular we all went (I told my husband he could stay at home...we just needed his phone...it wasn't necessary for him to join us). We got to the store early before the rush...signed in and waited our turn.

Then our time came...time to pick out our new phones...I really wanted the CRAZR, the teeny-tiny new Motorola cellphone...but it was too expensive for Mama Bear...Baby Bears picked out the new Motorola RAZR...it was on special...and quite a deal with the 2-year contract...a definite best buy. "Should I get it too?" I wondered, "Would it fit in the little pocket in my handbag that had been home to my LG for the past two years?" I tried the CRAZR - too small. I tried the Motorola - too big. I tried the RAZR...it fit just fine...a little bit larger than my original LG but it fit like a glove. So, Mama Bear bought herself a RAZR too...and Mama Bear also bought a Bluetooth...which the Big Bad Wolf salesman talked her into buying...not sure what Mama Bear was going to do with this Bluetooth...but she bought it anyway.

Some how...some way...we left the store and Mama Bear owed $450 (and she hadn't even bought Papa Bear a new phone...nope...she decided that Papa Bear better go to Cingular and pick out his own cell phone...a big cellphone not a sleek one like Mama and Baby Bears...not sure he would be equipped to use such a RAZR)..."Not to worry," said the Big Bad Wolf salesman,"you will get all the rebates...just fill out the 3 rebate forms, mail them in separate envelopes, attach all these receipts, and you'll get back $150." (Okay, so I REALLY spent $300 for the phones...and it will take me about an hour to fill out all these rebates...I was getting stressed just thinking about it.)

Thankfully the Big Bad Wolf salesman was able to transfer my SIM card with all my telephone numbers...except each number repeated three times by mistake...so I had to delete quite a few phone numbers in my address book...then I couldn't find my address book at all...I thought I deleted the entire list of phone numbers by accident...then I found it again...not sure what button I pushed...but luckily I found it...I uttered a few four letter words in between...but I found my numbers.

I'm not one to read instructions with my electronic gadgets...who has time to read an 86 page user guide...especially when I have a Baby Bear in the house (I mean a Cool Dude Bear in the house)...why do I need an 86 page user guide.

Who needs a guide anyway...I'm 49 years old...how difficult can it be to use my new RAZR and Bluetooth...ha...ha, ha, ha...ha...I put the Bluetooth to my ear...then I pushed the buttons on the RAZR just like the salesman told me...then it asked for my PIN number...what PIN number...what's my PIN number...PIN number...who said I needed a PIN number..."Don't you remember Mom," my daughter said, "it's 0000"..."No one told me that," I said..."Mom," my daughter said, "that is the only set of numbers the salesman told you to remember...and you even wrote them down on a piece of paper" "He was the Big Bad Wolf," I told her, "Mama Bear doesn't listen to the Big Bad Wolf."

I have at least two more years to figure it all out...or about seven months if I decide to make mastering the RAZR one of my goals for my 50th birthday. Maybe I should do this...figure it out...learn how to answer my RAZR...and how to listen to music on my RAZR...and how to send a message on my RAZR...and how to change the RAZR ringer...and how to make the RAZR volume louder (so I can hear the calls when I am able to finally answer them)...and how to watch my favorite shows on the tiny screen on my RAZR (I think I can watch episodes of Desperate Housewives...it might be worth learning how to use this feature).

I better hurry up and figure out how to use this RAZR...I'll need to pick up all my happy birthday messages when I turn 50 next January...won't want to miss any important birthday messages...ring a ding ding...wherever I am on 1-8-08 I want to hear all the calls.

Judi