Letters Home

I was looking though some papers in my basement the other day and found my old letters from college...letters I had written about once a week...or once every two weeks...when I was in college in the 70s...odd to think that there was no internet then...no emails...no cellphones...oh...how did I exist...I actually wrote letters...there were all kinds of letters...each one more anxious than the next...each one with a sense of urgency to them..."you must read this," I would say to my mom, " I miss you."

I didn't really like myself in college...I was 20 pounds heavier than I am today...I had a tight perm and wore Qiana shirts (how did I let myself go out like that...were clingy Qiana shirts really stylish...so glad the styles have changed...no more Qiana for me)...my college days were not filled with excitement...they were filled with work...hard work...I think about half the letters I read said "I'm leaving...I really wasn't meant to be at Cornell...I'm homesick...I want to go home...I'm lonely"...but my mother was right...I was a strong person...I stuck it out...I passed the test...and then it was 1979 and I was graduating.

There were letters on Snoopy stationery...and letters with Betsy Clark stationery...those were the Hallmark days...I was a big supporter of Hallmark...now I'm more sophisticated...at 49 I've become a member of the Papyrus card club.

Back in the 70s my letters home talked about my Wrangler jeans (did I really wear Wranglers?)...and my Dr. Scholl's clogs (I remember those hard wood clogs with the leather strap and adjustable buckle across the top of my foot...they were all the rage in the 70s)...and I wore Donnekenny tops and Aileen sportswear...I even wrote about those brands in my letters home...I was so devoted to my branded attire...just like my kids are to their Abercrombie and Fitch...I always wanted to be like Annie Hall...she was my American Idol.

February '76..."I like economics...we are learning a lot about consumer issues, such as boycotting meats and how to be a better consumer" (Didn't even remember I was an activist in my college days...didn't even remember that I took economics...but I'm glad I did.)

March '77..."Last weekend I finally had a date. I think I made history, thought that dates didn't exist anymore." (Guess there wasn't much of a dating scene in college...we didn't have Facebook to check our dates out in advance...not like today...not that any of my dates were memorable...glad I have these letters to help me remember.)

January '78..."Well, I got up to school okay, but I tell you it looks like I'm never going to get out until June when all the snow melts. It's been snowing non-stop since I got back. The streets and sidewalks can't be seen. I've never seen it this bad, you can't even see the mailbox, that's an example of how deep the snow is!"(No wonder I didn't like college...why didn't I pick a school in Florida...I should encourage my son to read these letters before he selects his college of choice.)

February '79..."I checked my transcripts and found my cum to be better than I thought. Overall, my average is a B- and my average in my major is a B...I was really happy...aren't you happy for me?...I start my disco dancing and clown workshop this week. I'm looking forward to it..."(And I thought I wasn't going to graduate...I did okay in college...and I even took disco dancing and learned to be a clown...glad I started to enjoy myself in my senior year...it took four years to lighten me up...but I did it.)

Oh the lessons I learned in my college years...they've helped me through the past 25+ years...and will likely be with me the rest of my life...I learned to be self-sufficient...to be strong...to be able to count on myself and to never give up when the going gets tough...to stick it out.

Glad my mom saved my letters home...glad there weren't any cellphones...or I wouldn't have the memories from those letters home to read..with the Snoopy stationery...and the 13 cent stamps...and the saying on one of my handmade stationery papers that read "Remember --this is the first day of the rest of your life."

Judi

Happy New Year

Just like the fall...I also look forward to the Jewish New Year...it is a time when I look back and look ahead...when I reflect on the year I've had...and the person I've been...and not been...I like the Jewish New Year because I can cast away all of my sins...all the bad stuff I've said...all the bad things I've done...and start fresh.

I enjoyed religious services today...renewing my faith...praying...it felt so good...I always listen to the rabbi's sermon...this time it was a female rabbi...a newly ordained female rabbi...the entire service was led by females...what a change from when I was growing up...back in the '60s females weren't even allowed to sit in the same area of the temple as the men...not in the orthodox temple my family attended...I remember the rituals...how could I forget them...we would walk with my dad to the temple...he would go to services...we would walk back...then we would enjoy apples and honey...and we lived right near the Bronx Botanical Gardens...and in the afternoon...after eating our apples and honey...and our challah...we would walk around the Gardens...then we would come home and have a big dinner...of brisket...and potato latkes...and plum cake...sweet plum cake that my mom would bake.

Now at 49, I have new rituals...my son joined me today at services...my son who knew all the Hebrew prayers...my son who is now taller than me...just the two of us...we went to services...and we prayed...we prayed to stay healthy...we prayed that our family should be together next year...all together...and then we practiced our new ritual...we went to Wegman's grocery store...and bought all our prepared food for our New Year feast...roast turkey...and potato latkes...and broccoli and cauliflower with pinenuts...and a round challah...and together we enjoyed our new ritual until our tummies were filled to the brim...but after we finished...after we finished...we realized that our ritual was not complete.

"Where's the honey?" my son asked as we started to leave the table, "Did you forget the honey?"..."Oh, no," I said. "You are right, we must have honey...we must have honey because this must be a sweet year...yes...the Jewish Year 5768 must be sweet...I am turning 50...and I must have a sweet year," I added as I wrote H-O-N-E-Y on the top of my shopping list...honey it is...get those bees buzzing...we're going to have lots of sweetness this coming year...tomorrow we will have honey for our challah.

L'Shana Tova

Judi

Looking Back on My Life - Part II

So I had planned to be back in a day to finish up looking back on my life...but I got hit in the head...yes...I cannot believe my luck...and I thought my life was going to be boring as I headed to my big 50th year...now I'm just hoping I get there in one piece...that's because on Thursday, July 19th, the hood of my car hit my head when I was putting my briefcase in the car...and I had to get staples in my head...at least a cute doctor stapled my head together...


So, now that my head is all stapled up...and the pain from the tetanus shot has subsided...I'm ready to write again...and I'm ready to look back on my life and read more...yes...I want to look back...rather than forward...

My Conversation (continued)

In fourth grade my teach was Mrs. Small and she was very tall. She always used to call me by my sister's name because four years before she had her as a student. Don't tell anybody, but I always thought Mrs. Small was a little weird. She never taught a thing. Her husband came in once a week to teach the class the flute. That year I used to drive my mother out of the house by my wonderful flute piece of "Mary Had A Little Lamb." (Well, well, well...so it's Mrs. Small's fault that I never became a talented musician...I can blame her and her husband for my lack of musical talent...I do remember trying to play guitar too when I was younger...for a few months I was going to be a guitar player...but that didn't last too long either...no musical talent with instruments or vocal.)

I always got involved in schoool affairs and when I wasn't picked for a certain thing I got very disappointed. So, don't you think in fourth grade we put on "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," and I wasn't picked for a part. I had always considered myself to be a fantastic actress and when I didn't get a part in the play it was a big let down in my life. I had great ambitions to become an actress on Broadway. How could a person become a great star if she couldn't even get a part in a little fourth grade play? As it turned out when the play was finally ready to be put on one of the dwarfs got the chicken pox and I took over. After all, you can't put on "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" with six dwarfs. (Glad that was more than 30 years ago and that there was no chicken pox vaccine then...or I might have totally lost my chance at fame...at least I was a dwarf...I didn't remember that I wanted to be a famous actress...but I couldn't sing...and I couldn't dance...what was I thinking when I was in the fourth grade...why didn't anybody tell me...maybe it is a good thing that no one told me...no wonder I really enjoyed the Broadway play I saw with my daughter this weekend in NYC...we saw Hairspray...and I loved the singing and the dancing...maybe it reminded me of my fourth grade dreams.)

Time passed on and summer came along. How I loved summer. So much free time. When summer rolled around I went to Long Beach. We rented the same house every year. An old man, friend of the family, owned it. He always walked around in baggy shorts that looked like old underwear. It was such a nice house with two antique elephants on the posts in the front. What a shame it was when I found out this would be our last year at the beach. Times were changing, people were changing, and I guess I was changing too. (This brings back such memories...I did love the beach each summer...and I do remember those elephants...vaguely remember them...I don't get to the beach much now...I enjoy the pool more...not a fan of the sand...unless I'm at a resort where they take care of everything...including the towels and the beach chairs...but at 49 I can't sit in the sun too long...no more tanning for me...unless it is in the spray tan salon...which I must do one of these days...I do so want to see what it would be like to have a tan again...like I did back when I didn't have to worry about tanning...who even knew about SPF in the 60s...and I didn't think about the wrinkles either.)

When I was 12 I graduated from elementary school. We had a big graduation. I went to every store on Fordham Road just to get a dress, after all, how could two people have the same dress? It was really a nice ceremony. Our principal spoke and the valedictorian was a girl from my class. I was sad after my 6th grade graduation. I guess it was that I was scared of the big change that was going to take place in the next year. I was promoted to a two year program and would skip 8th grade. Everyone in my class was going to different schools. (Sounds like I was interested in making a fashion statement at a young age...think this is when I likely started my shopaholic lifestyle...glad I had an appropriate dress for my graduation from elementary school...and it sounds like I was having issues with change back then too...but I did always seem to make the change...and even after all these years...change is not easy.)

There was a big adjustment I had to make in 7th grade. I really had to work hard to earn my grades. No more baby stuff. Report cards were marked with numbers not checks. I began to like it though, the competition was good. (So that is when I became so competitive...wish the numbers weren't so important...why did the school system have to go change those checks to numbers...maybe if they had left the checks alone throughout my junior and senior high school days I would not be such a workaholic today...I bet all those kids I see in high school today would also not be so competitive either...I vote for the checks...why do we need numbers anyway?)

The people I met in this new school helped me to adjust also. They were very nice. I really liked 7th grade and at the end of the year I had no worries about 9th grade because I would be with the same people. But, when I came back after the summer I was proven to be wrong. Weeks passed by and the class drifted apart. The people I really liked the year before had changed. I felt left out. I tried to change myself to fit the other people. If it wasn't for one person in the class I don't know what I would have done. Kathy pulled me through. She became my best friend. (So glad Kathy was around...if she ever reads this blog...I want to say "thank you" to Kathy...wherever you are...I'm also glad I never changed myself to fit in...or I might have become a very different person than I am today.)

With 9th grade coming to a close I look ahead to the next years. I have great ambitions for myself. I would like to become a lawyer. I think I would be a good lawyer because I am a very fair person. (I wanted to be a lawyer???...I don't remember ever wanting to be a lawyer...well...that dream didn't come true either...but I am happy with my career in communications...and I don't think I will pursue a legal career in my 50+ years either...nope...that 14 year old dream is not going to come true in my lifetime...however, I still continue to be a fair person.)

As this conversation of my life draws to a close, I must say one thing. This story is by no means the end of my life but only just the beginning. As a famous poet - Joni Mitchell - once said - "Though dreams have lost some grandeur coming true, there'll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty, before the last revolving year is through." (Good old Joni Mitchell...so that is when I first started listening to her music...and to think...35 years later...Joni Mitchell is still ringing in my ears...play it again, Joni...play it again, Joni...only this time put the iPod on...or put the CD in the CD player...can't play that record anymore.)

Judi

Looking Back On Life - Part I

I was cleaning out some of my papers the other day and stumbled across an autobiography that I had written when I was 14...it was a fascinating read...especially to look back more than 35 years... that's right...35 years ago...I was a pretty good writer at the time...maybe I should have pursued writing as a career...such "insightful, sensitive and beautiful" prose my teacher wrote in the column next to my A+ grade...all written by a 14 year old...good thing I found that diary so I can now remember my early childhood. I recognized the type all crisp and double spaced...it was definitely from my Smith Corona typewriter...no MACs or PCs...just correct-a-type or white-out...I must have been a good typist because I didn't notice any typos on any page.

But now that there are computers, I thought I would take another look at this fascinating autobiography...capture my conversation as part of my 49th year...review what I had said 35 years ago...see if the things I said came true...yes...I wanted to read it all again and see where I came from...how much I had changed...or maybe stayed the same...here goes...verbatim...if you are 50...or close to 50...maybe it will bring back memories for you too:

My Conversation...(written in 1972)

It's raining today. It rained the day I was born too. My father took my mother to the Royal Hospital 14 years ago on January 8th. My sister stayed home with grandmother to await the new arrival. 11 a.m. the baby was born. It's a girl," said the doctor, "7 lbs. 5 ounces." (I was born in a Royal Hospital...wow...I was a good weight...not too big and not too small.)

So, I came into this world, on that glorious day in a Royal Hospital, I was a chubby little girl, everybody thought I would grow up to be fat. I fooled them all and now at 14 I weight less than 100 pounds. (Glad I was a thin teenager...there wasn't the obesity crisis there is with today's kids...we played outside...rode bicycles...were active...ate sensibly.)

When I was one year old I took to that terrible habit of sucking the thumb. My aunt always said that I'd have buck teeth, but what could I do, my mother didn't believe in the pacifier. Well, anyway my teeth never fell out, but I must admit I did have fifteen cavities at age 5 (Ooh!...no wonder I never wanted to be a dentist...and now I can blame my crooked front teeth on that thumb sucking...wish my mom liked the pacifier more.)

As years went on I took to the fact of growing up. I had a normal childhood. I started school at age six. Never went to ballet school. That was the "in thing" as they say. When you were six you went to ballet school when you were seven you became a ballerina. (So there went another career move...if my mother had sent me to ballet school when I was young...I might have been a better dancer at 49).

My best friend was Mary. She lived in the same house as me. Every morning come 10 o'clock Mary and I could be found in front of the television. "Romper Room" was the favorite educational kid program. "Sesame Street" wasn't around in my time, but Miss Betsy did tell stories. (I'm starting to remember Miss Betsy...I really liked Romper Room...and I remember my friend Mary...I don't keep in touch with her anymore...but I do remember she was very smart and became a lawyer).

My love life began to rise in first grade. It was a one-sided love. I had a crush on this boy named Mitchell. I'll never forget the day the teacher walked out of the room and I kissed him. Two days later he moved to California, and that was the end of my first love. I think I cried that whole night. As time went on I forgot about the whole incident. (My love life was more exciting in the first grade than it is right now...what bold moves I took when I was young...you go girl...wonder if Mitchell is still in California...wonder if Mitchell might find my blog at 49).

In second grade I got stuck with the same teacher. She really began to like me. Mrs. Wellman was her name. The only thing I disliked about her was the way she taught the alphabet. We read the usual "Dick and Jane" stories. To this day I can still remember "Old Spotty Boy" that dog who always got in Jane's wagon. (what memories...I can vividly picture that dog Spotty...and Dick and Jane too...I did love to read...I always went to the library to get more books...and to think now I have such little time to read...and I never get to the library anymore because if I take out a library book the three weeks go by so fast and then I don't even have time to read the book...so now I just purchase all my books on Amazon...and I am saving them for my retirement reading...or for when I eventually can take a vacation again).

Yep, those were the days. Even third grade came as a a breeze. I had another teacher, her name was Mrs. Young. I liked her also. We went on a trip to "Kennedy Airport." I'll never forget the time we went in a plane. The first thing the guide showed us was a vomiting bag. That was the first and last time I ever set foot in an airplane. (Okay...so I didn't like airplanes when I was 14...pilot was off the career chart as well...good thing I grew out of my fear of flying...especially now that I'm approaching 50 and may want to take that big trip to some faraway place).

Wow, I'm up to fourth grade already. My life isn't so exciting, you must be falling asleep. Hang on the best is yet to come. (Okay Judi at 14...I am going to hold off until tomorrow to re-read the rest of my autobiography...I am actually falling asleep because it is very late...and at 49 I need to get some rest...I'll be back tomorrow and see what happens next...I'm enjoying looking back on my life...especially since what I am looking forward to right now is on shaky ground with my husband's illness...this little diversion is good...but I have so much strength knowing I made it through the first 14 years of my life with such stamina...I know I am going to continue to be strong...it's in my genes...especially now that I know I was born in a Royal Hospital!)

To be continued...

Judi